"How do you take care of your mental health?"
A student asked me this during a journalism Q&A and I gave an inadequate answer. I haven't stopped thinking about it.
On Monday, one of my professors asked me to speak to a class of undergraduates. He didn’t give me any parameters; he just wanted me to talk about my work and how I approach storytelling and reporting.
I gave a short presentation about why I chose journalism and decided to go back to school to get my master’s (you can find that answer below).
During a Q&A afterwards, one of my former students—I worked with them as a teaching assistant last semester—asked me how I take care of my mental health. I didn’t have a great reply. On a scale of 1-10, I’d probably rate my mental health at about a 3—not ideal, but functioning.
That’s not good, I told the students. I then listed some of the things I do in my free time. I cook. I lift weights, mostly to try to help my brain (if my muscles hurt, then I’m thinking about that, and my intrusive thoughts go away—temporarily, at least). I have a dog, and walking him helps. I watch a lot of basketball. I joked that League Pass (the app that allows me to watch basketball games from all 30 teams in the league) is the only thing keeping me functioning.
I told the students that some of that is simply a function of our current world, and it’s hard not to feel depressed. I also told them that I have unhealthy coping mechanisms—lately, I’ve been buying too many little makeup things at Sephora and Ulta when I’m feeling down.
But those answers didn’t feel like enough. A lot of the coping strategies I mentioned felt superficial, so I really had to dig in and remember, “When was the last time I felt happy?”
A few weeks ago, I drove to Milwaukee. Ahead of baseball’s opening day, I covered new food options at American Family Field, where the Brewers play. I have a friend, Colin, who owns a shop in the city, so I decided to work from there. He eventually showed up with a friend of his, and the friend and I started chatting; eventually, we went to a wine store, and another of their friends joined.
I didn’t stay long, but the four of us had one of those sprawling conversations that felt simultaneously intimate and like it could only have happened among a new group of friends. There was something so spontaneous about this group of people sitting and sipping wine (and water—I was driving!) on a random Thursday, completely unplanned, that felt magical. It reminded me of what I like about being a barista—and the sheer freedom I had to experience the world not just through lazy, post-shift drinks, but by constantly meeting new people and getting a peek into their lives.
As I left the wine shop to head back to Madison, I told Colin that I really needed a day like this. He said he could tell.
Reflecting now on that student’s question, I think the best moments I’ve experienced tending to my mental health are when I identify a thing I need and then take action to make it happen. Lately, I’ve been feeling very alone and isolated, which often prompts the “Why isn’t anyone texting/calling/reaching out to me?” spiral I’m sure all of us have felt. To combat that, I try to reach out to someone in the way I need in that moment.
In a way, I did this by visiting my friend’s shop and asking to shadow them throughout the day. I sometimes let myself get into holes where I desperately wish for someone to pull me out—and I realize that it’s me who needs to extend my arm out rather than wait for someone to grab me.
I stewed on this for days, and pondering this question stuck with me so much that when I finally came up with this answer, I texted my professor. I told him my original answer wasn’t good enough and that if I could tell the students anything else, it’d be to take the action you wish someone would take for you.
I wonder how all of you are taking care of your mental health, both from a tangible perspective (“I do this activity”) and from a mindset one (“I reframe things in this way”)? If you’d like to share, please do in the comments!
Just for fun, I thought I’d share some of the other topics I covered and advice I gave to the students. Some of the stuff I said was very unhinged! But I’m always grateful for the chance to talk candidly about what my (work) life looks like, and the students asked really insightful questions I was excited to reflect on. I want to give those questions more space here:
One of the things that seemed to resonate the most with the students is that I like writing and journalism because it’s work that makes me not hate myself. This got a laugh from the crowd, but I told them I have plenty of college friends and colleagues who do work that I don’t think makes them feel good. In college, we used to joke that everyone graduated and became investment bankers or consultants—not to say that those can’t be good jobs that contribute positively to society, but I do feel grateful that the goal of journalism is to inform and empower the public. I’m grateful that’s a mission I get to pursue, albeit imperfectly.
I really tried to push the idea that there is no one “dream job,” at least not in the myopic way that we often describe to young people. You can be happy doing a lot of things, and the things you thought would make you happy might not—what does that mean for your dream?
I told them I like journalism not because I love writing, but because I love what journalism has afforded me: the chance to meet people, to always be learning, and to travel. Journalism has also allowed me to do freelance work and given me an avenue to leave a 9-5 job if I need to.
Work is just work. It’s okay not to love it. It’s also okay to make concessions and do what you need to do to survive. We all have to exist under capitalism.