No, We Are Not 'Killing It'
Reconciling appearances with more complex (and painful) reality
There’s so much I could write about from my recent interview with Sonam Parikh—our conversation went deep in ways I hadn’t anticipated, and was rich in ideas to chew over—that I’m honestly a little overwhelmed at choosing just one topic.
Sonam is the co-founder of Mina’s World in West Philadelphia, a small coffee shop that also hosts a community fridge for neighbors to grab grocery essentials. To prepare for the interview, I read a bunch of articles about Mina’s World; as I usually do, I jotted down some ideas, wrote down some key quotes, and got ready to ask Sonam questions.
But what I got from my conversation with Sonam was so different from how the articles I read had portrayed them or their business that it completely changed my expectations for our discussion. Sonam discussed that disjunct in the interview as well:
You know, it’s funny, because my candor is the same in those articles and this interview. I’m very much the same person across the board. What comes across in an interview is always what the interviewer gleans from me, or whatever their objective for the article or what bylines they need.
It’s really all about them, you know? And that’s fine. I understand that, I’ve signed up to do it. So I’m part of this equation and stuff, but I think like the thing that I've learned over the last two years with Mina’s World is really getting a harsh understanding of why people contact us—and it’s never really because they really believe in us. It’s because there are certain times of year where you have to find certain kinds of people to fill your pages so that you can check off some boxes.
All I’m saying is that if you need to check off those boxes, attach a price tag because it’s shitty. And the irony of being like, “Wow, look at this one place that’s still standing!” is that like you have these institutions, and you have no idea how hard it is to stay standing when there’s no financial support from the places that laud them as such great places.
There’s so much to reflect on in this quote, but I’m going to focus on the very last part: What does it mean to receive praise and attention when it does nothing to safeguard your business, your employees, or your financial security?
Mina’s World has appeared in a number of mainstream publications. It’d be easy to assume that their continued presence in the media means that they’ve figured out a pathway to success that others have yet to discover.
But the perception of success often fails to align with its markers, like financial security or sustainability. As Sonam pointed out, many people who have reached out or wanted to write about Mina’s World often did so to fulfill a superficial objective: to highlight a queer-owned space during Pride Month, or to include them on a list of BIPOC coffee spaces in the city. In return, these articles promised the ever-so-elusive assurance that “this will be good exposure.”
Rarely have these “accolades” equated to increased sales or foot traffic, Sonam said. But you might be tricked into thinking that businesses like Mina’s World are uniformly “crushing it” since they continue to appear in so many publications, even as the last two years have made running a small business enormously challenging. I don’t want to knock writers or reporters specifically—often, writers are fulfilling assignments and trying to make their own financial lives work in a very grueling industry—but I wonder if this desire to portray folks like Mina’s World only during certain times of the year and for very particular reasons is limiting our ability to engage in honest and open discussions.
One thing that came up a lot in our conversation was the difficult moments of growth and healing, like learning to say “I don’t know” instead of trying to please people and find answers to everything. Sonam described an instance when a mediator was called to facilitate a discussion between them and their staff. I found these moments in our conversation to be constructive, because they portrayed real strife and workplace dynamics, which still feels like a rarity. By more often glossing over these moments, we deprive readers (or listeners) of the ability to connect and recognize their own pain in others. We know that there are folks struggling right alongside us, and we could all benefit by picking up an idea or two to help work through that difficulty.
A few years ago, I mentioned facing some professional struggles on my Twitter account. Someone who I rarely engage with mentioned that he thought I was “crushing it.” I pushed back on that, because I simply wasn’t crushing it. I wasn’t then and I’m not now—but I was deeply curious to learn why he had said that, and I think where we landed is that I was publishing a lot of articles (I can’t say if he was actively reading my work, but the impression I got was that he wasn’t). From his end, that looked like success. On my end, that looked like overwork, not getting paid enough, and feeling like I was chasing a profession that felt less and less achievable.
So what can you do if you’re a person sitting at home reading about your favorite cafés/people/places? Check in on them—ask questions and perhaps give a piece of tangible praise that feels genuine and specific. At the end of the episode, Sonam asked for people to financially support Mina’s World. Go to their website mw4u.net and pick up some beans! Or a bucket hat! Or a rad sticker sheet! (I ordered this mug.)
On the morning I wrote this article, I read an essay in Alicia Kennedy’s newsletter called “On Agreement” that I think captures some of what I’m trying to say in this piece. Kennedy’s newsletter encourages folks to avoiding working towards perfection and universal agreement, and to think about real engagement instead. She cites an article written by Ligaya Mishan:
For what is the point of reading about food or, for that matter, reading about anything at all: to look in a mirror, or through a window; to escape the world, or to discover it?
A mirror only reflects the world we already know and see. A window is an invitation to engage.
Before you go…
Speaking of: Everything I learned about organizing and planning my Substack I learned from Alicia Kennedy’s excellent and thought-provoking newsletter. I have to assume that if you’re here you’ve heard of her work, but if you haven’t, I highly suggest you subscribe.
I feel cosmically connected to Carla Lalli Music in that every time I pick a new recipe from her book, That Sounds So Good, to cook, she ends up doing a YouTube video about it days later. I recently made her cold steak with arugula and parm salad (I’m a big fan of cold steak), and the next day she released a video showcasing the same recipe.
I just finished the book Loudermilk by Lucy Ives, which is a satirical look at elite writing colleges and institutions. The book is very funny—and completely different in style from how I write. I generally don’t consider myself a very clever wordsmith, whereas Ives’ book is full of adroit combinations and words that sound so beautiful together I can’t stand it. There’s a paragraph where one of the main characters talks about the phrase “Connecticut friends,” which is both an exhilarating set of syllables and a phrase you need no further explanation to understand. It made me want to do some good words now.
Cover photo by Endri Killo on Unsplash
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